When you know that you've met your next real thing, you cannot help but to wish every second of every day away with them. Even if they reside in your immediate proximity, it seems ever so distant in a subtle way. There is a pang inside of you whenever you meet. And when they go away, all you can find yourself doing is wishing they were here. It is a sad time, especially when you know not whether that person yearns for the same thing as you. It is scary to know that you could be this vulnerable towards one person of the six and a half billion upon this planet. But opening up in such a manner towards someone could be the best thing you have ever done.

However, for some of us it is impossible to open for more than just a peak. We keep our thoughts and souls heavily guarded with walls as high as the heavens and ranks of legionnaires behind the gates. No one, not even our creators, get the privilege of knowing what happens inside us; save for an angel that comes along. An angel that can melt the thick iron and stone walls with their glowing gaze. An angel that can make every soldier fall in love with one glimpse of her beautiful eyes. It is in these vulnerable moments when we become too weak, too afraid, to form complete thoughts into sentences before they blurt out. And when that jumbled mess does come out, the angel's response is reverberated in our mind time and time again. Every last word dissected like a surgical procedure until the subtlest of codes are derived from each syllable. Codes that were never even intended or formed get pulled out of the hat, further confusing and instilling greater fear into us. The only consoling factor possible would be to know what the angel truly meant and what she truly wants. However, the convolution and cloudiness we've created in our own minds is far too much to understand the angel. The angel’s words get pulled farther and farther into a place where they never will be taken for what they were.

Why this occurs is a mystery, but I am sure that it affects me far greater than anyone I know. There are plenty of possibilities as to why I guard myself too tightly. It most likely stems from a lifetime of developing trust issues or having such a historically open and caring heritage. Perhaps it is because every person I have ever opened myself up to, even in the slightest of ways, has turned their back on me with either a bullshit excuse or not even a whisper. Perhaps it’s because I’ve had so many people that I’ve considered good friends do something behind my back for the sole purpose of pissing me off. Maybe it is because my mommy and daddy didn’t hug me enough as a child. Maybe it is because of two decades of constant fighting and bickering and never being able to come to peace with my own being. Alas, it doesn’t really matter why because it is just a fact that I am this way. All I can be absolutely certain of is that I have never felt the way I do right now about this one angel in my entire life and I hope I never have to find this feeling again. The only thing is...

I don’t know if she could ever feel the same way.